billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
