They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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