I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize