on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
