i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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