mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
