chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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