thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
