What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize