so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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