I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
