they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
