I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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