she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
