Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
