Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
