Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
