Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
