Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
