Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
