ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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