I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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