when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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