GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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