At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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