He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
