ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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