Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Your cock deserves a montage
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
