I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
