I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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