his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
