i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
