She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize