What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
