Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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