Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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