I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
