The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
