I want to have your abortion
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
