so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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