Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
