Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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