Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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