this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
