just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
