i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
