it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
