I accidentally had phone sex last night
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
dude. I can hear the air.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
