I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
