so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
