Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
