guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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