so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
