Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize