i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
