ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
