you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
