You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
