Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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