I was born with a shot glass in my hand
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
