My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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