you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize