Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
