How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it hurts more in the daytime
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize