She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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