She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
last night I used snow as a chaser
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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